Parallel universes
It is my birthday this week, quiet negligible date in the bigger scheme of things yet of grave importance to me. Another line imprinted in the sand to mark the passage of time, another reminder of dreams that were abandoned and decisions that were not acted upon. At this point of my life when the equilibrium between the past and the future is starting to slant heavily and the past is acquiring force, the road ahead seems unclear and hazy. I can’t see beyond the next curve in the road or perhaps I am just too tired to play mind games and try to guess it out. Tired of all the what’s ifs, maybes, if only, how about…
Instead I am imagining a world that takes into account parallel universes, a world in which the concept of series of planes of existence where the laws of nature differ from one another is prevalent. In a world like that I should be able to choose my path and perhaps an alternative path and so on and so on until the end of time. I will be able to walk down the road in each one of them and see how they play out, while holding on to the same cards I was given at birth.
Returning back from each of these fictional journeys I will be brimming with new knowledge and able to make wiser decisions. Unless, of course if this is not how it works and the wisdom gained in one journey won’t be transferrable into my bank of knowledge ready to be used on the next one. Than I can only hope that as I am floating through one universe I can track myself in the parallel one, wave franticly to get my own attention and scream at the top of my lungs “Hey, wrong way, stop! Turn around”. Only knowing my usual tendency towards distractedness, I can foresee how my parallel self will just smile, wave and keep on going towards its unavoidable destruction.
As far as I know going back in time will not do the trick either. Even in a world with no rules this one always holds true, even if you can transport yourself back to the precise point in time, you can never change the past to affect the future.
The situation then seems rather hopeless and as I go over it bit by bit I still cannot find a true loophole. There seems to be no way to change the past or control the future even with the knowledge of where it is heading and a keen sense of premonition.
And so I give up and once again roll the old film in my head. Like an over watched screenplay observed many times before, I know it all too well and still I am hoping to discover a new angle. Life has definitely been rich in surprises and unexpected turns and so as a last resort I try what I tried many times before to pin down the exact points in time, where I veered away from one path unto another. Maybe if I succeed it would assist me in knowing how the next step is going to evolve?
In the parallel universes scenario I will make a list of all the things I did not do and still wish to carry out and then head on to try each one of them. This vision, like a shiny birthday gift, makes me feel lighter and somewhat freed from the weight of the years.
This is also a jeu d'esprit, but not a successful one.
ReplyDeleteWhat makes the Hypochondriac piece work is the family tradition threading through your what-ifs. Here we get what-ifs with no grounding, nothing that makes this yours and no one else's (except authorial presence--this sounds like you all right, but two days from now, I will remember your hypochondriac relatives, but there is nothing comparable here to hook into the reader's mind.)